Please understand

It seems my last blog is misunderstood.

It was written in hoped to make the favourite thing less dramatic.
The point is to show that being a favourite is just a title.
But that behind the title there might be something else.

I wanted it to prove to myself that Wilde loves me.
I know I might seem silly.
But my life had not been the best, I am a very insecure person when it comes to being liked.
So I tried to be the first among Wildes pets to confirm to myself she loved me.
It didn't help tho.
There has always been this secrecy about whom Wilde has as favourite (except with Leana, back then it was really obvious) so it only made me doubt if she really liked me most or if she just told me that and then told everyone else the same thing.

As you see I am not secure no matter what.

I hope you can udnerstand now why I wrote it.
It was to show that what is a silly combat for a title can mean something else.
And this is my own point of view.
Someone else might think otherwise.

Also the part about always striving to be her favourite means I will always try to do my best. Even if I won't be called favourite.

The importance of favouritism

There has often been a discussion about favouritism amongst Mistress wildefires pets/slaves.

Now why is the point of being the favourite so important?
I am going to try and write one explanation for this.

I was pursuing to become Wildes favourite once.
The reason for it was quite particular for me.
I was really in love with Wilde and wanted to be her partner.
However It felt wrong to just ask like I would do it only to be better than her other slaves.
I decided to be faitful and do everything for her until I became her favourite and then I ws to ask her.
However The powers the be hates me. I was told I was her favourite a week or so after Kelly Walcott asked to be her partner and got a yes.
I became quite miserable but still ths story show why being Wildes favourite can be so important.

Love and being loved in return.

All of Mistress wildefires slaves and pets love her dearly.
Now Wilde is partynered with Kelly so there is no way to become her partner.

Then the only way to get that recognition and feel that mistress loves you as something special is to be her favourite.

It's more or less like telling someone you love her and hoping the person will love you back.
You want to be as important to the one you love as she is to you.

Now Wildefire has decided to never again tell a slave she is the favourite one.

So from now on the hopes to be the favourite will be ike telling someone you love her and the person smiling and walking away.
You'll never know.
And not knowing hurts almost more than knowing and not be the favourite.

Well.
My hopes to be mistress wildefires partner didn't work as I had hoped.
But I cried a lot then and I do not wich to cry no more.

I think I will always strive to be Wildes favourite tho.
I still love her more than anything.
And even if I will always have to wonder if I mean as much to mistress as she means to me I will still love her.

What can one do after all?

And now some 80's music about love.

Wardrobe

My other blog is updated for once

...

Nothing I do is ever right.

Lately it seems nothing I ever do is ever right.
I don't really know why.
I mean... I try to consider all involved and avoid to hurt anyone but it's always end up being wrong anyway.

It feels like everytime I try somethign it will fail no matter what.
i don't even know why I am trying if It always goes wrong.
Maybe I should quit trying just lie on my back and stare up at the sky.

Of course in the end that will be wrong to.
Maybe I was wrong to come back to Second Life at all.
Maybe the reason all I do is wrong is because I'm not really welcome anymore.

Dunno why I am even writing this. Noone ever read my blog anymore.
On a side note I seem to have been nice to two creators on SecondLife.
They became happy and gave me free stuff. Yay.
Guess thats all there was to write tho.
Maybe will update the wardrobe blog with the thigns I got from the ncie creators in a while.

Revelations

I have come to my conclusion that it appears people I do trust cannot be trusted at all.
This time it is probably the most devious thing ever.
And if it is as I think... well then the one i thought was my friend is pure evil.

I dunno if I will ever trust anyone again.

My Playlist

Crüxshadows - Monsters
Crüxshadows - Here comes the rain again
Crüxshadows - Children in black
Covenant - We want revolution
Covenant -Stalker (goth mix)
Covenant - Figurehead
Sisters of Mercy - Cry little sister
Sisters of Mercy - Marian
Sisters of Mercy - Temple of Love
Sisters of Mercy - Lucretia my reflection
The Smiths - I Know it is over
The Smiths - I am human
The Smiths - There is a light that never goes out
The Smiths - Asleep
Rammstein - Mein hertz brennt

random and repeat
over and over
and
over...
.
.
.
.