Brielle Branagh

Well one of the people I liked a lot has left SL.

I guess I should give a few comments on Bri from my point of view.

I met Bri on Desperation Island before it was remade.
I had the honor of screening her a bit and give Wilde my comments on her wich where positive ones.

We got a long quite well but with the tension that happens at times.

She is probably the one that looked most like me at a time.
That was back during Wildes Bodyguard RP..
Was a good time overall.

Bri wanted a more mechanical doll/gynoid RP and Wilde did accomodate.
It was fairly ok but the part of her brain dying and replaced with a computer chip creeped me out.
My feelings for the robot ensures some very mean comments from me to her (agreed upon in IM's tho)
My favourite one was probably "You overgrown cookiejar"

Much later I sent Wilde a suggestion how to make her a bit more human.

And finally now she left.

I hope she is well and happy wherever she is.
And hope I one day get to talk to her again.
But no matter what there will always be a special room for her in my heart.

Love ya Brielle
/Princess

Forgetfulness

Just forget I ever said anything

Take a sip of the water of Lethe

Truth

Truth.
--------
It is said that history is written by the victor.
The victor shaping the truth so they where right.
But this is not history.
And even tho I am not a victor this is the truth as I see it.

I guess this is written in part for my own sake.
In part for my friends.
And in part for those who always tough bad of me since they never knew why I did the things I did.

The story.
--------------
While this is a story about me and Wildefire and the things that took place it begins a bit earlier.
My first character on SecondLife was born 2005.
Helpless like a blind kitten I was having fun learning to animate and build to some degree.
In 2006 I discovered some group i liked.
In one of those a mistress by the name Wildefire Walcott was active, I enjoyed listening to the conversation she was in.
I liked her she was intriguing and I grew to admiring her.
I never had any closer contact however.

Late in 2006 I found the last name Princess was avalible and unable to resist I created the alt Slave Princess.
The reasons was simple.
I am really a switch at heart liking both to sub and to dom but my main alt had ended up domming all the time.
Slave Princess would be sub at heart and finaly letting me have some fun not being in control.

Now I discovered Wildefire Walcott was looking for more slaves so I contacted her and the 22nd of November 2006 I became hers.
I got to know my family as of then the ones mainly on was Mistress Wildefire, wildefires favourite babydoll Leana, Shemale Ryuune and the twisted (in a good morbid way, I pity those of you who never saw the grave and the ice cream truck) Adina.
Back then Mistress had a quite defenite ranking system and I was at bottom of it being an unwilling slave to be broken.

In time my admiration for Widlefire grew into love.
Wilde had no partner and I so wanted to ask for her hand. I even got me a wedding dress.
Anyway I was still her lowest ranking pet and I feared a few things (I am really insecue due to old wounds)
First of all I feared Wildefire would think I wanted to marry her only to rise in rank amongst her pets and because of that doubt my love for her.
Second i feared other pets would think the same and badmouth me behind my back.
Third i feared people learning of the marriage would comment on it and claim I was not worthy of her.

I decided to do the only right thing.
If I wanted to marry Wildefire I had to earn her.
I would propose the day she admitted to me being her favourite pet/slave.
Until then I would do everything I could to make her smile and have fun in SL.

Time went by as time do.
One day I learned Wilde had married Kelly Walcott.
It hurt a lot but wilde had never said I was her favourite even tho i suspected it so what could I do?
My world fell apart a few days later when I finally for the first time got to know I was her favourite.
I do not think I have ever cried so much.
I finally could ask my love for her hand but she was already taken and I had lost her by just a few days.

I kept doing what I did keeping order at desperation Isle and the rental island even tho my world was more or less black with the light of my life gone.
Mistress knew something was wrong and being tp'ed one day and ending up in a scene where Kelly was domming Wilde I couldn't handle it and TP'ed away at once.
Wilde knew something was defenitely wrong due to the animosity I expresed at Kelly and me getting even madder since she would refuse to hate me back.
At that time I was really despicable. I did everythign to get her to hate me so I could hate her as well.
Also I was the only one on desperation who did not like Kelly.

Mistress did call on me to talk about it.
At the moment I had more or less decided what to do.
My plan was to give Mistress all my transferrable things erase the character and end the account leaving SL.
Wilde would not have anything of it tho.
She wanted me to stay and she wanted to fix it all even tho my behavour really did not make me worthy of it.
During the discussion I even had the option to get rid of Kelly. (It would demand a lot tho)
But well I couldn't do it. I was the only one on the island who disliked Kelly and that kinda told me I was wrong.
Also Kelly had been great back at the Dommebreaker Roleplay.
So well I couldn't ask it. And to be honest I didn't even deserve that option.
Still it did heal my broken hear a bit.
Wilde decided she and I would nurture our relationship and have romantic times and see where it lead us.

My plan at that time was that the day Wilde finally threw away Kelly for me I'd happily take her but suggest we brought Kelly too and formed a polyamorouse three person partnering. Voluntary bigami if you like...
(Why wait until Wilde would thow away Kelly? Once more insecurities. I needed to feel she loved me as much as I love her.)

Well once more time went on and I began wondering where the romantic times went?
I confronted Wilde about it and she confessed nothing would happen since she loved Kelly.
That made my as of yet most horrible time in SecondLife yet.
I couldn't belive Wildefire would break a promise to me.
It was unthinkable but it had happened.
My RL life suffered as well during this time.
I cried until I collapsed from exhaustion, I beat myself in the stomache repeatable times wanting to hurt there so I woudln't feel the emotional hurting, I tried to eat but vomited feeling so bad emotional that it turned into physical pain and illness.

I really wanted to hate Kelly but I was more or less spent and hurt.
I didn't like her tho harbouring resentment towards her.
It was at this time I met Kellys slaves Clara and Aureliano.
Clara took to "helping" me with my feelings spending hours in IM's with me every day.
Yes I use "" since I have since been told Clara want me gone and in retrospect it all makes sense.
However at the time I really belived she tried to help.
I never reflected over the fact that every time she had talked to me I felt even worse than before.
In the end I was more or less convinced Wilde loved only Kelly and that she had no love left to spare for me.
Thats when I blev up throwing all the hate and pain I had at Kelly.
I was really unfair to her and I still feel guilty for it.
I am vindictive when hurt.
And Kelly got to feel all of it.

I finally begun to admit Kelly was great again when Kyrah came and visited me IRL.
(I did try to get her to ban Kelly from KDC tho. ;P Luckily Kyrah is not easily convinced but she rather convinced me Kelly was great)
Even tho I knew Kelly was great I didn't like to admit it to anyone tho.
Especially not Wilde or Kelly.

Well time went by again and I simply had to stand things and stitching together the few fragments of my broken heart I still loved Wilde.
I had hurt her when I hurt Kelly tho and was more or less constantly miserable.

Later when my life calmed down I learnt from Viv that Clara wanted to get rid of me.
Then I realiced what I had tought was misguided advice might just as well have been on purpose.
Clara keeps reassuring me it was not with malicious intent but as of yet I am not ready to trust her.

If she is well meaning... well I can go on without her help for now anyway. And it's more secure compared to...
If she realy is malicious. It would be sheer folly to put a bucket of Vipers and Scorpions in your bed before going to sleep.
One of them is bound to kill you in your sleep.

Well this is the truth trough the "liquify" blue eyes of Slave Princess.

Epilogue.
--------------
Well I have done a lot of stupid things.
But I did belive they where right.

The lyrics of The Smiths tells it clearly. "I am human and I need to be loved. Just like everyone else would."

So where do I stand now?
Well I got a few shards of heart left and I still love my mistress.
She evn told me one day that had she not met Kelly she would have married me.
I guess it's sort of a comfort but it hurts too.

I sometimes dream how it would have been partnered with both Wilde and Kelly.
I regret I didn't pursue that instead of Blowing up on Kelly.

Right now I guess partnering is sheer folly.
Kelly would not be interested not after allt the hurt I put her trough. I defenitely lost her respect.

And even if Kelly would be interested and Wilde actually did say that part about would have married me had Kelly not been.
Well then this is even worse than being Wildes favourite.
Wilde would not agree to it since it would cause envy in the family.

So I guess life unfortunately goes on.
(sorry about that, writing all this has made me depressed again)

I still serve Wilde.
My IRL is FUBAR but might be able to work it out with some help I was promised.
We'll see what happens.

And I still got the time with Mistress.
And some people I have had bad contact with has begun talking to me again.
And one old SL friend even bought me a premium account for a year.
(Actually cash had been betetr to get rid of some debt but well ok this is nice too)

Well so how to sum this up then?

"And they all lived happily ever after"

If only this was a fairytale, but this Princess won't get a happy life I guess.

"And the fallen princess kept working for the Wicked Mistress who held all her love forever enslaved on the grim island of Desperation."

Thats all I guess...
catch you on the flipside.

/Princess

Please understand

It seems my last blog is misunderstood.

It was written in hoped to make the favourite thing less dramatic.
The point is to show that being a favourite is just a title.
But that behind the title there might be something else.

I wanted it to prove to myself that Wilde loves me.
I know I might seem silly.
But my life had not been the best, I am a very insecure person when it comes to being liked.
So I tried to be the first among Wildes pets to confirm to myself she loved me.
It didn't help tho.
There has always been this secrecy about whom Wilde has as favourite (except with Leana, back then it was really obvious) so it only made me doubt if she really liked me most or if she just told me that and then told everyone else the same thing.

As you see I am not secure no matter what.

I hope you can udnerstand now why I wrote it.
It was to show that what is a silly combat for a title can mean something else.
And this is my own point of view.
Someone else might think otherwise.

Also the part about always striving to be her favourite means I will always try to do my best. Even if I won't be called favourite.

The importance of favouritism

There has often been a discussion about favouritism amongst Mistress wildefires pets/slaves.

Now why is the point of being the favourite so important?
I am going to try and write one explanation for this.

I was pursuing to become Wildes favourite once.
The reason for it was quite particular for me.
I was really in love with Wilde and wanted to be her partner.
However It felt wrong to just ask like I would do it only to be better than her other slaves.
I decided to be faitful and do everything for her until I became her favourite and then I ws to ask her.
However The powers the be hates me. I was told I was her favourite a week or so after Kelly Walcott asked to be her partner and got a yes.
I became quite miserable but still ths story show why being Wildes favourite can be so important.

Love and being loved in return.

All of Mistress wildefires slaves and pets love her dearly.
Now Wilde is partynered with Kelly so there is no way to become her partner.

Then the only way to get that recognition and feel that mistress loves you as something special is to be her favourite.

It's more or less like telling someone you love her and hoping the person will love you back.
You want to be as important to the one you love as she is to you.

Now Wildefire has decided to never again tell a slave she is the favourite one.

So from now on the hopes to be the favourite will be ike telling someone you love her and the person smiling and walking away.
You'll never know.
And not knowing hurts almost more than knowing and not be the favourite.

Well.
My hopes to be mistress wildefires partner didn't work as I had hoped.
But I cried a lot then and I do not wich to cry no more.

I think I will always strive to be Wildes favourite tho.
I still love her more than anything.
And even if I will always have to wonder if I mean as much to mistress as she means to me I will still love her.

What can one do after all?

And now some 80's music about love.

Wardrobe

My other blog is updated for once

...

Nothing I do is ever right.

Lately it seems nothing I ever do is ever right.
I don't really know why.
I mean... I try to consider all involved and avoid to hurt anyone but it's always end up being wrong anyway.

It feels like everytime I try somethign it will fail no matter what.
i don't even know why I am trying if It always goes wrong.
Maybe I should quit trying just lie on my back and stare up at the sky.

Of course in the end that will be wrong to.
Maybe I was wrong to come back to Second Life at all.
Maybe the reason all I do is wrong is because I'm not really welcome anymore.

Dunno why I am even writing this. Noone ever read my blog anymore.
On a side note I seem to have been nice to two creators on SecondLife.
They became happy and gave me free stuff. Yay.
Guess thats all there was to write tho.
Maybe will update the wardrobe blog with the thigns I got from the ncie creators in a while.

Revelations

I have come to my conclusion that it appears people I do trust cannot be trusted at all.
This time it is probably the most devious thing ever.
And if it is as I think... well then the one i thought was my friend is pure evil.

I dunno if I will ever trust anyone again.

My Playlist

Crüxshadows - Monsters
Crüxshadows - Here comes the rain again
Crüxshadows - Children in black
Covenant - We want revolution
Covenant -Stalker (goth mix)
Covenant - Figurehead
Sisters of Mercy - Cry little sister
Sisters of Mercy - Marian
Sisters of Mercy - Temple of Love
Sisters of Mercy - Lucretia my reflection
The Smiths - I Know it is over
The Smiths - I am human
The Smiths - There is a light that never goes out
The Smiths - Asleep
Rammstein - Mein hertz brennt

random and repeat
over and over
and
over...
.
.
.
.

Family and ties withing and beyond

I recently realiced There was a reply to my reply in one of Ramonnas blogs.
I could have written a rpely there but I thing I simply write a blog post about it instead.

The reply was along the lines of me still having my claws out since some people deserved to have their heads torn off and shoved up their asses.
Had they been from the local area in Sweden I am from I could simply have put it that "Jag ska bygga om dig till en blomma."
Translate it if you want to and it will only surprise you since you need to be local to get it.

Anyway the thing of it tho is simple.
Whenever someone thinks he or she can break our family steal a slave from mistress convince a slave to leave or in any way try to break us apart I intend to hurt that person as much as I can.
While on SL hurting can be troublesome but things can still be done.
The IRL equivalent would be to do horrible things to the anatomy of said person.

So to allthose trying to hurt my SL family you should know that trying to break ou ties it the same as asking to have a ton of bricks dropped upon you.

Slave-Dominant

Was thinking about some things recently.
IRL the slave is controlling the realtionship between the sub and the Dom.
But internet is another matter.
The decicions in a reltionship here is an agreement between Dom and sub.
Then there is the "no limit" ones that usually in the end realice they do have limits.

However this is about an entirely different matter all together.
This morning I spent some time with my Mistress and some other of her slaves and friends.
During this some slaves tried to demand attention while we where all jus taking it easy.
At then it was me my mistress and a dear friend of us (Yes Viv I am talking about you)
Others had gone to work bed or just poofed not having enough "play" (they asked permission to go tho)
My Mistress seemed a bit worried I hadn't gotten to play wich surprised me.
I guess it is not common but I am as happy going around with Mistress when she is taking care of rental buisness as I am when she is blindfolding and gagging me forcing me to serve while deprived of my senses.
I would like as much sitting curled against her legs while she slowly strokes my hair as spread between two post whipped senseless for humiliating mistress at a social gathering.

In the end I love being wityh my mistress no matter what.
(And I did like this mornign since she had me dressed in latex and I look sooooo sezzy then)

So this is mostly a comment on "high-maintenance" slaves.
Or in other words the slaves demanding attention all the time.
Thei way to show up and more or less (in other words tho) claim. "Here I am punish me"
wich more or less is the same as "Here I am Mistress now drop everything you're doing and pay attention to me Me ME MEEEE!"

I am quite doubtful to this behaviour.
"Hi mistress entertain me."

"Hi mistress make me have fun."

"Hi mistress use your time for my benefit."

"Hi mistress buy me a lot of new gear and then punish me this and that way for me doing this and that then."

This is SL and not IRL and not even IRL would anyone stand for this behaviour.
Something efery slave would consider is the following...
Are your Dom having fun?
And if the Dom is not havign fun why does he/she put up with you?
And how long will the dom put up with you.

Make sure your Dom is having fun too.
The Dominant is not there for your amusement only.
The Dom is not your home entertainment center.
The Dom is a living breathing person expecting something out of the time with you and always expecting something is quite greedy and in some cases mean.

Give and take.

PS. But do tell your Dom things you enjoy/dislike too. Communication is important. DS

PPS. Ok I suck at communication bt that doesnt mean I can't give advice about it. DDS

Kelly Walcott

Mistress partner Kelly Walcott has recently been erased from Second Life.
As usual Lindens didn't even give an explanation.
One day there the other day gone.
She does not even show up on search anymore.

While me and Kelly has not always gotten along (I've even tried my best to hate her (yes tried but shes so nice so I ouldn't manage more than dislike)) I will confess I am going to miss her.

She will probably come back as an alt...
or at least I hope so.

Its still not the same.
Kally was unique. And while the player is the same on an alt... how do you replace all time pend on making an avatar special.
The money put into it is one thing.
But the time customising things and the chanse to find some items (what if the creator gave up and left SL?) again is impossible to measure in value.



Basicvally this problem is all due to the Lindens as usual.
However I have a solution.
None of this problem will happen if all employees follow this simple rule:

SHUT UP, SIT DOWN AND DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!
YOU'LL TAKE CARE OF THE SERVERS AND KEEP OUT OF THE WORLD ITSELF.

There. Now include those lines in the Linden Labs Employee manual and we will all be fine.

BTW If you find I've suddenly been deleted it's probably due of this post.

Mistress plans for the weekend.

For those of you who doesnt know Mistress is planning an alt orgy at Desperation isle.

Official notice is here
http://desperationisle.blogspot.com/2007/06/alt-orgy-40-on-desperation-isle.html

If you are not preoccupied maybe you shoudl consider paying it a visit.

How many

How many times do In have the strenght to stand up again every time life once again knock me down.
I am so very tired now.
Why must everything bad happen to me?

If Kama exist I used to be Hitler.

The curse that follows me

I don't know why but I tought maybe SecondLife was to be my refugee from it but noo my bad luck or curse as I like to call it is here as well.
I've always been quite picky with people, I guess it's a flaw and not a virtue but I can't help it.
It's always been something special about the ones I've liked.
But I've always begun slowly talking with them when I fancied someone.
But it's always the same.
Before I can get the chanse to talk one on one with some other person she is always snatched up by someone else.
It's always been that way.
Once, a single time I met someone and got a bit further, the the one I tought was my best friend came and ruined it for me. And even got the nerve to say "Well can't you be hapy for my sake."
I tought SL was different.
I met Wilde and I love her and everything was fine.
Then yesterday i met someone that I tought was exciting and interesting and was hoping I could talk to Wilde about her and maybe we could play all three.
But even when less than a day has passed she is already taken by someone else.
*sigh*
It's always like this. And it hurts every time. SL hurt as much as IRL too.
*I really hate my life at times*

Slave Princess just can't win.

Sometimes

Sometimes it feels like the entire orls is crumbling.
But then there is always a person whose soft words can set everything right.
A person who soothes when all your feelings is in a rage.
A person who can make you calm again.
A person who takes all rage and outburts with temperance.
Thankyou mistress. I Love You.

Keep with me...

How does one stay with a situation one hates?
When does the bad feeling take over over the good ones?
And what is acceptable and what is not?
If things that was not to change change anyway is things still the same?
And how long can one pretent things is the same?
And if this is not the same can one cope with it?
If one cannot cope with it can one change it or even should one change it?
Mybe change even for the worse is what must happen?
Maybe even change that ruines thing in one aspect is for the betterment of many other aspects?

I'm so tired of this...

And now for two pictures.One cute of me demonized.
One quite... err... gory but strangely cute from long ago.

*sigh*

Sometime you realice that you're getting increasng jealouse over time with mistress.
Then you relice thats how you doesn't want to be.
It doesnt change the fact that you wish for some time alone with her tho.
And in the end you doesnt like yourself.
And staying awake every night is getting less attractive by time...

Grave decisions

What does a slave do when the life as a slave is no longer what one expect it to be?
After all there might come a day when serving the dom just... well isn't fun anymore.
Life situations might have change or the dom might be tired to play with the slavethe slave being too obediant.

When should a slave decide to leave ones dom?
Does a slave even have the right to leave a dom?
And if so how do you tell your dom that decisionw ithout making the dom mad or sad?
After all the lack of fun might not be something on the doms part nor on the slaves, things can have happened and it just doesnt feel right anymore?

PS. Mistress dont take this personal it's just tought ont he subject I am not going to leave you. DS

How do you react to dislike

How does one react to the apparant dislike of someone else that is close to someone you like.
You cannot escape from it because the one disliking you not being there would make the person important you sad.
In other words you need the person there since otherwise the important person to you will be sad and naturally you want her happy but still you keep getting this nagging feeling of being unwanted.
This causes a conflicting feeling of wanting to be near one person, while constantly feeling that you're not welcome by another one.
And all of this is unspoken.
It's just the attitude.
The treatment that you means nothing at all.
This silent thing that makes you constantly sad and feeling meaningless.
And still one stands it, since it's the only way to be close to the one bringing you joy.
Suffer in silence? Or give up and move on?
What would you do?

Blog, Gor, SlaveVsDominantOpinions

Well first of all a small explanation of this blog.
My other blog is more or less a wardrobe of my SL characters outfits and also of any major changer to her outward appearance.
This blog however will be more or less my tought of master slave relationships as well as reflections of Second Life.
Some things you read here you might take offence to and get mad.If you do I do not mind an IM asking for a discussion about the subject.
Senseless flaming however I will simply ignore as well as putting the offending party on the banlist and in the case of threats and outright griefing against me also file an abuse report.


First out my toughts of Goreans and Gor in Second Life.
In my not so humble opinion Gor is basically a very overrated Novelseries that isw poorly written by a hack wishing his own opinion of women would be applied on a whole planet.
The second Life phenomenon however is unfortunately even worse than the books.
This is mostly due to a large number of people not actually caring anything about Gor but simply using it to treat women like whores.
Most of these are people who are obvious juvenile little boys that has infested SecondLife even more since the age verification by Creditcard disappeared.
(I wish they took it back and that prepaid cards was no longer valid for it)
The normal approach these "role players" (yes " since they deserve not to be called that) have to females ,both in Gor and other places, "Bow down to me since you're just a lowly female and I am a superior MAN!"
Now I would preffer to show the little boy what I think of his manliness with a pair of gardenclippers however this is SecondLife so unfortunately me doing horrible things to his anatomy is not possible.
I simply have to settle for a very demeaning reply, my favourite still being, "I am sorry but unlike you I count boys like men first AFTER they've passed puberty."
Anyway the reson I stay clear of Gor is because about 95% of them is horrible roleplayers with a good taste for mediaval looking bdsm gear, but otherwise Roleplay that is so bad that the best likeness would be to have The Artist formerly knows as Prince try to growl like a death metal rocker.
To the remaining 5% of Gor Players that is actually good Roleplayers, I feel for you. If everyone in Gor was like you it would be an interesting phenomenon and I truly hope you can stand seeing your world being torn apart by the 95% of idiots that exist on SLs Gor Roleplays.
Gor did have potential but unfortunately I think it failed.



Second this time.Master and slave relationships and one of the hard parts of it...
How do you as slave in saecond life control what you want to be?
This might be a strange sentance but it bottoms in IRL BDSM.
IRL the slave is in control of the scene.
It is agreed beforehand what will happen as well as safewords to signal to the dom if something needs to change.
Secondlife is often a lot more different tho.
First of all many submissives like to have a limitless complete obediance to the dominant.
Limitless often stops being limitless when a limit is reached tho.
But otherwise it is troublesome.
How do you tell your dominant what you wish with your character without hampering the dominant?
The play in SecondLife is in some cases quite intense.
I know I would cry IRL should I lose my Mistress.
So how would I dare tell her what I want to happen to my character if It would risk clashing with what my Mistress wish?
My own will is second to my Mistress is it not?
But that will also risk that in the end I will be tied down in a Roleplay I loathe since my character has turned into a loatheseome thing I does not want to be responsible for.
So the question remain.
How does one make ones dominant understand what one want without controlling ones dom?
Does one risk abandonement due to different views of what the slave should become?
And how far does love for ones dom go, is the love enough to give up all ideas of your own that you want your character to become?



This might not have made any sense at all since it was written during a 7 hour and 35 minute long buss ride (thankyou whomever created laptops)